A letter to my pre-baby self…


Dear pre-baby Dana,

Remember back when the doctors told you it could be difficult for you to have a baby? Well, doctors can be wrong sometimes. Your uterus functions just fine and you will be blessed with an incredibly handsome boy. No, you are not biased, your son is freaking cute. Ok, you probably are but you refuse to believe otherwise.

I realize you think you’re too selfish to have a baby any time soon and that life after baby will be “boring”. I want to reassure you that you are dead wrong sista – old me! Your life has gotten exponentially more exciting! He is the greatest gift the universe has given to us. He has taught us strength, patience, and as cliche as it may sound, the meaning to life.

Here are some dumb but useful warnings and notes I took for you – because you can always refer to other sources for the serious ish:

  • It’s ok that you didn’t read that FAT book that the hospital sent you because there’s an app for that. Yes, there is an app that tracks your pregnancy and gives you notes/tips about what you should be doing at that point and time. Plus, the universe has also blessed us with Google.
  • Everyone and their mom will try to traumatize you with their horror stories.
  • Cocoa butter is your BEST FRIEND. (Don’t forget your butt and thighs)
  • Please for the love of {insert religious figure here} go to lactation classes. It’ll save you much stress at the hospital.
  • Pack the PS3! Despite what others say – you will have a lot of down time between being admitted and actual go time. People have said that being entertained is the LAST thing you’re concerned about during labor – but in your case, it was the only thing on your mind.
  • Pack a sleep mask – nurses are turning the lights on and off all night!
  • Your husband will swear up and down that he will stay up with you the entire time – that is a lie.
  • There will literally be a team of people staring between your legs so modesty is out the door.
  • The hospital provides you with the most unattractive mesh underpants in the world. Bring your own.
  • Don’t get me started on the giant pads…
  • In the unfortunate circumstance that there is a c-section (yes, you fall in this category) things are even more awkward. Nurses have to care for you like YOU are a baby too! Yes, wiping and all because bending over ain’t happening with that huge gash in your abdomen.

I know all this won’t traumatize you from having another because you, er, WE would happy to do it all over again in a heartbeat. That little face is worth every bit of awkward/uncomfortable weirdness.


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